Some days sadness follows me around like a stray cat, meowing every now and then to remind me that it is there. My day progresses along like any other but for the occasional pang of melancholy. No particular reason seems apparent yet its presence is unmistakable and troubling. I search my mind for clues as to its source but find none. I remind myself of all the beauty and love and wonder in my life in an attempt to be grateful and still there it is, its tabby fur catching my eye just as it rounds a corner. My chest feels heavy, my lungs feel burdened, and my shoulders stiff and sore. At times there is a tightness in my throat from the pressure of the tears beneath.
What is this sadness? And where does it come from? Is it the seasonal flu? The “it’s March and we have barely seen the sun for months” flu.
One tear snuck down my left cheek just now. It saw its chance to escape unnoticed and took it. One lonely teardrop when there are still so many inside desperate to escape. Perhaps that is what sadness really is; a mob of tears quietly rumbling together, waiting for the doors to open that will allow for their release.
Most days, I try to get outside for a walk even though my skin pinches from the crisp fresh air and sometimes the snowflakes bite my cheeks. It’s always a struggle to gear up with hat, scarves, and mittens but once out, I feel alive and exhilarated.
Seasonal flu is a very real thing and March is generally when it hits me. Winter life is usually lived more indoors. It is busy with projects and work and making work connections, caregiving and all the other things that occupy our days. Winter life shows less time for indulgences. Little time to stand next to a lake and simply absorb the wonder of creation. To watch all types of wildlife appear, to remind me how we are connected. To hear the sound of crashing waves lulling me into peace. I miss the sunshine, the moonshine, and the warm rains.
Spring is coming, the days are getting longer and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful for the words that flow onto this page. Grateful for the time to allow them to flow (Oh there goes another rogue tear…), grateful for my life and my love and my friends and my everything.
Even though I sometimes feel sad, I am grateful for the wonderful fabulous life I have. Especially lately as I am so inspired by the beautiful reviews and kind words of those of you who have read Paulie and Me.
How about you? Do you suffer from the seasonal flu too? When does it hit you? I would love it if you shared your stories too.
Author, Bernice Ranalli
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