Some days sadness follows me around like a stray cat, meowing every now and then to remind me that it is there. My day progresses along like any other but for the occasional pang of melancholy. No particular reason seems apparent yet its presence is unmistakable and troubling. I search my mind for clues as to its source but find none. I remind myself of all the beauty and love and wonder in my life in an attempt to be grateful and still there it is, its tabby fur catching my eye just as it rounds a corner. My chest feels heavy, my lungs feel burdened, and my shoulders stiff and sore. At times there is a tightness in my throat from the pressure of the tears beneath.
What is this sadness? And where does it come from? Is it the seasonal flu? The “it’s March and we have barely seen the sun for months” flu.
One tear snuck down my left cheek just now. It saw its chance to escape unnoticed and took it. One lonely teardrop when there are still so many inside desperate to escape. Perhaps that is what sadness really is; a mob of tears quietly rumbling together, waiting for the doors to open that will allow for their release.
Most days, I try to get outside for a walk even though my skin pinches from the crisp fresh air and sometimes the snowflakes bite my cheeks. It’s always a struggle to gear up with hat, scarves, and mittens but once out, I feel alive and exhilarated.
Seasonal flu is a very real thing and March is generally when it hits me. Winter life is usually lived more indoors. It is busy with projects and work and making work connections, caregiving and all the other things that occupy our days. Winter life shows less time for indulgences. Little time to stand next to a lake and simply absorb the wonder of creation. To watch all types of wildlife appear, to remind me how we are connected. To hear the sound of crashing waves lulling me into peace. I miss the sunshine, the moonshine, and the warm rains.
Spring is coming, the days are getting longer and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful for the words that flow onto this page. Grateful for the time to allow them to flow (Oh there goes another rogue tear…), grateful for my life and my love and my friends and my everything.
Even though I sometimes feel sad, I am grateful for the wonderful fabulous life I have. Especially lately as I am so inspired by the beautiful reviews and kind words of those of you who have read Paulie and Me.
How about you? Do you suffer from the seasonal flu too? When does it hit you? I would love it if you shared your stories too.
Kindest regards,
Bernice Ranalli
Author, Bernice Ranalli
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Paulie and Me – The Joys and Struggles of Growing Up with My Special Needs Brother
Perfect timing Bernice.It was an inspiration to read.I think many of us have those feelings at this time of year.I am so looking forward to new life around me to perk me up.Thanks for sharing.
I so agree with you Magda! I call March the dirty month, because everything looks brown, dead and dirty but lurking under that surface, new life is sprouting! Beautiful – thank you!!
I too sometimes feel sadness Bernice, and then I just have to have a little talk with Jesus. “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear”.
Sometimes there is no other place to turn….but He sees every tear that falls, and that is why He died for us. One day when He comes back, He promises no more sorrow.
May God bless you today. I love your honest writing and I love how you love Paul.
Jane Voortman DeWaard
Jane, thank you so much for your blessings and kind words. God bless you too!
Bernice
Bernice, the way you can express your feelings in words is a gift. Your composition on ” The Shadow Cat ”
has reminded me that it is a very normal state of mind to be influence by the passing seasons.
Summer and winter are positive seasons, full of light and activity. Negative seasons are fall, descending down and
spring suggesting we are down and we must rise up .
Many perfectly normal people have seasonal emotional ups and downs. I am normal !
Today is a grey day, the end of March but little snow drop flowers are blooming in my garden , yesterday I saw a robin.
Thank you and your tabby cat for reminding me to be thankful for everyday and grateful for all my blessings.
If I haven’t told you already, I loved your story ” Paulie and Me “
Hi Shirley, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your story. It is good for me too, to be reminded that we all share in the influence of seasons be it negative or positive. The image of your dirt filled garden spotted with the colour of the snowdrop flowers has brightened my day! I love your title of “The Shadow Cat”, I wish I had thought of that!
Gratefully, Bernice