PRAISE FOR PAULIE AND ME
“It always amazes me the inspiring shifts that take place in an author when their story is ready to be told, and what life events move them to finally put pen to paper. Bernice Ranalli has written a truly moving account of growing up with her developmentally delayed brother. She doesn’t at all shy away from exposing her own coming-of-age pain and struggles, individually and as Paul’s sister. Bernice’s courageous and candid sharing of her private journey will often tug at your heart strings. It’s likely you’ll also find a common thread in your own life’s learning and self-awareness. For some readers, it will be even more personal, and you will know that you are not alone in your challenges.”
Sheri Andrunyk, Publisher, I C Publishing
LATEST POSTS
The holiday season is upon us, yet grief hangs around me like a cool mist these days. In October, a dear friend passed away; since then, we lost a much-loved uncle as well as several acquaintances. Each time I hear more news, I’m reminded how quickly life moves and how fleeting the time is with our loved ones. Some days, the sunshine of life will dry the grief until it seems to disappear; other days it permeates even the bones in my body.
Death is so final. Its reach so vast, its impact so lasting. We lost our dear friend to that monster named cancer. We watched him deteriorate and weaken, all the while vowing to beat it, but the monster won. It claimed its prey with the ease and stealth of a tiger pouncing on its next meal. It had no regard for how much pain it caused and how much it left in our hearts. The price of love.
And now our friend is gone from us. Although a vacant seat at the table, his memory stirs a smile even with our faces wet from weeping.
Suddenly all the world has changed. As I look at other friends and loved ones, I can’t help but question when. Then I see my own face in the mirror, and I wonder how.
Along with all the beauty and wonder of this life, I’m painfully aware, especially in this moment, there is still that sorrowful ending called death. That finality of life. We never know where it’s lurking or when it will come swooping in. In between, we catch our breath and try to focus on the blessings that still exist. Still, deep inside, I find it difficult to even comprehend that our friend won’t be popping in just to say hi. That the holidays—the fun and memories we shared—remain only in our minds and in our photographs now.
I warmly recall our last hug and how we clutched one another knowing it could very well be the last, and it was. I remember saying I love you and wishing I had said it more often. I remember the physical jolt I felt when the news came later that he was gone, the numbness, and the tears that poured down my face while I continued throughout my day. I wondered how in that instant, life could possibly go on and why the world around us didn’t stop to take notice of the enormity of our loss. Now nothing seems permanent, not friendships, and certainly not life. How do I make sense of the uneven terrain before me? Where do I place my foot when holes and pits are appearing so suddenly?
These December days are short and the nights cold. As I return home in the dark after running errands, my warm and festively adorned house beckons, as though there is someone at the door, waving me inside. I am thankful that we decorated, and a feeling of gratitude fills me as I step in and close the door.
Life is meant to be lived fully; of this I am certain. I remind myself that along with the grief and sadness that life inevitably brings, we all need to enjoy the brilliance of these days. Especially during this festive season. So, I will stay aware and watch the snow fall from inside the window and the lights twinkle on the trees. I’ll greet our guests as they arrive with their jubilant anticipation, drink in the smell of turkey baking, and clink my glass in celebration of this gift we call life. . . And I feel the gentle presence of those who’ve gone before us.
I wish you peace and love during this holiday season!
Warmest regards,
Bernice
Author of Paulie and Me – The Joys and Struggle of Growing up with My Special Needs Brother
Post image by M. Maggs from Pixabay. [...]
Read more...
Does anyone else notice a disturbing trend of hate evolving around us? We’ve watched from a distance as hatred has gained momentum with our southern neighbours. Now it’s coming closer. My home town was recently rated by Statistics Canada to have some of the highest numbers of hate crimes reported to the police last year. Incredible! I read non-stop news stories and social media posts of people protesting diversity. Pride celebrations are disrupted by radical religious groups, individuals who deem the world as black or white leaving no room for the acceptance of human differences. Even some political parties are evoking hate and fear mongering by decrying immigration. My own parents were immigrants! There can be no doubt that Canadians who are or whose family are immigrants have contributed immensely to our country.
Where did these thought patterns emerge from? After all the decades of protesting against hate, fighting for human rights—including equal opportunity for all abilities, racial, religious, feminine, or sexual freedom—we had begun to see real progress. Now, sadly, it seems as though the strides made by our great leaders of the past are slowly eroding. There are those who use the platform of social media with the rational that it’s okay to say whatever they feel. Is it their goal to find support by evoking the herd mentality? Have we not learned anything from history?
During my youth in the 60s and 70s, I grew up watching my special needs brother get bullied, and I wondered then what caused human beings to do such things. What was it that prompted people to hate differences? Today, I have come to believe there are two main catalysts for human behaviour—fear or love.
Often, when things don’t go well in a situation, I will analyze my own reaction or conduct by asking; did I engage from a place of fear or love? The answer usually becomes clear, I was propelled by fear. Our motivation for acting a certain way can always be boiled down to one or the other. Perhaps it was a point-of-view argument that accelerated into bruised feelings. Insisting on my opinion, I was afraid that if I was found incorrect, I would be less than the other person. Had I entered the conversation fueled by love, I wouldn’t have been so adamant I was right. I might have listened and respected the fact that this individual had their own viewpoint, even if it differed from mine. And if that person also approached the conversation with love, we may have each come away from the discussion having learned from our respective beliefs.
This brings us back to hate crimes and protests. Are they not driven by fear? If we bully a person with special needs, or someone of a different race or religion, do we conduct ourselves from a place of fear or love? Clearly, we operate from a place of fear. Fear that they are different, fear that they don’t look like us, fear that they don’t believe the same things, fear that they have different sexual preferences to ours, and fear that they cannot reason as we are able. Certainly, all these things could be considered terrifying.
But what would happen if we chose to view these differences with love? We’d respect our fellow human beings in a way that would allow us to co-exist. When we look at someone with a different skin colour, we could remember that we all lay down at night and get up in the morning the same way. We all eat, sleep, and love, no matter our sexual preference. We all search for our own spiritual path regardless of whether or where we choose to worship, and we all require care whatever our level of ability.
As Canadians, we have always prided ourselves in our diversity. It is what makes us great! I challenge each of us to consider this when it comes to our own behaviours. Are we are acting from a place of fear or love? I believe that if we strive to make love our priority, amazing things will happen between us.
What are your thoughts and experiences?
Sending peace and positivity your way.
In gratitude,
Bernice [...]
Read more...
Recently a friend asked me, “How do you meditate? What happens when you meditate?” This friend has always appeared to be adverse towards this sort of introspection yet is currently faced with some life-altering circumstances, which have likely prompted this curiosity. Having been a daily meditator for many years, I mumbled something about watching my breath flow in and out of my body which results in quieting and calming my mind. Aware of my friend’s antipathetic attitude toward self-reflection, I let my timid side take over and was hesitant to share more. That has gnawed at me like an aching tooth ever since. My friend asked for my help and I allowed fear to prevent me from fully engaging.
So, friend, this blog is for you.
Some days I awake feeling like my mind is swirling about, like the water in the channel that runs in front of our cottage as it gets tossed about whenever a boat passes another boat there. Mini rapids crash against the granite that borders each side of the channel and, in the vessel’s wake, a series of widening churning water cones appear.
After an especially vivid night of crazy dreams, early morning meditation helps bring me back to my center. I find a quiet space with my phone, plug white buds into my ears and begin. I tend to favour my collection of Oprah and Deepak twenty-minute meditations, but there are many others readily available like Headspace, The Mindfulness App, Calm, etc.
First Oprah’s powerful and calming voice fills my head with insights on consciousness, grace, security, love, or gratitude, whatever the topic of the day. These are followed by Deepak’s deep and comforting voice expanding on the same theme. When the talking stops, I pay attention to watching my breath as it goes in and out of my body while repeating the mantra of the day. My mind’s constant motion begins to slow. That calm soon leads to the nucleus of my thoughts, where I often replay everyday life events that have left me feeling challenged. Then I remind myself to simply breathe and repeat the mantra. From time to time, I notice aches or pains in my body. Occasionally, when I allow my mind to observe an aching shoulder or tight neck muscle, a feeling will surface there. It could be sadness, or sometimes anger or guilt. By then, because I am in a meditative state, I watch and feel the emotion, but somehow mysteriously stay separate from it. Sometimes it is this watching that’s enough to free the feeling from the muscle fibers. Other times, my shoulders will shudder as sobs pull themselves from my body. Throughout, I simply watch as the energy releases its hold on me.
As my mind’s silence deepens, I become aware of a quiet strength deep in my core. It’s a fearless place filled with love. Slowly, somewhat desperately, I move towards this awareness in a bid to surrender and give myself to its power.
Once the mantra is released, my hands leave their upward position
and I go about my day; it’s this silent tranquility that stays with me, woven
delicately into the threads of my cells.
Meditation brings me back to my core, to my soul, to the wonderful, amazing, and incredible spirit that inhabits my body. What a wonderful feeling that is.
What about you? Do you meditate? How does it make you feel? I would love to hear your thoughts on meditation.
Gratefully,
Bernice [...]
Read more...